The Truth

It has been a while.

I've always been hiding and restraining myself from revealing my actual living situation here in Canada. I just want friends around the world to have a sense of security for me, instead of messaging me once in a while just to cheer me up... considering this is already my fourth year here and I am supposed to have accommodated everything long ago. This makes me a big loser. Probably I just want to act cool and let everyone know I have been having a happy life, indeed.

I really don't know where I should start from, and it is really painful just to begin this. But hey, at least I've just learned to tell the truth and not to act like an unbeatable man who never moans. By the way, I'm starting this right after I've finished reading Richard's blog... so, thanks bro. This blog is born because of you - giving me a chance to say what I really want to say, and mainly, providing me an opportunity to prove what I used to persist is right.

Four years ago, things started off fine. A year later, the most importantly, my social life was even better because of an emergence of growing accumulation of more and more playful people. In my group of friends, I'd say I could maintain the friendship with two or three of them for long. Just like what I used to do: I treated all the people wholeheartedly because I fully believed the pay and gain are always equalled; even if not, real friends should be grateful to devote for each other, no matter what. This is always my philosophy but Canada proved me wrong. Betrayal and slander fed me up. I felt like I was totally an idiot and had been wanting to return to where I should belong, with buddies who were fighting for the Hong Kong public examination day and night; however, I had no choice but to stay and smile with my mask on. In return, I did something really bad and filthy that I can never forgive myself - "Sorry again, Kevin.", if you can read this somehow. The ultimate year of my high school life turned out to be a disaster. It ended in a Pandora's box particularly filled with slander and lying.

Things have turned out to be better after high school graduation. People who I have met at university are generally nice, but I can start to smell a full load of lies from this chunk of smiling adults. This seems like a must-go-through stage of life everyone will once be in it. Desires for added authority and GPA have overruled the morale that a normal person should possess. Unfortunately, I know I am heading to be one of those, but I will definitely keep my ethical values right. I know I can't afford to regret for being a jerk once again.

There are a lot more I'd love to tell, but off the top of my head, these are what I think I have been struggling and was ashamed to tell. I'm really sorry to all the friends whom I have been hiding my thoughts to. I really didn't mean to do it. But what I am sure for now is that I will say anything straight ahead like what I used to do, be as truthful as I was and be the person that you all used to uplift all the way.

I hope there will be a change in a year. This change will most likely be the very last big move for me as a student. I wish it could come true but I won't tell it until things are set because I don't want to again be an ostrich-wannabe and disappoint anyone over and over.

Oh and there is one last thing: "HKnese" = "HongKong-nese"... HKer is taken, dang it. I just miss my motherland too much haha.

Anyways, this should be the end for now. I'm really grateful for what I've just done in the last half an hour. Peace.